Do You Masterdate?

How to Control Your Dating Destiny.

Massie: Hey, GLUs,

Lonely Singles: Yeah?

Massie: Are you looking to date a plant-based burger?

Lonely Singles: Um, no.

Massie: Then why is finding a partner so Impossible?

Dear GLUs,

It’s almost Valentine’s Day. Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to talk about it? If you did, you’d be right. I wasn’t.

I resent holiday pressure. I don’t need permission from New Year's Eve to drink past midnight. I’ll ‘add to cart’ whenever I damn well please, Christmas. And I certainly don’t want a day with the same initials as venereal disease telling me when to celebrate love. But, alas. Most of your Ask a GLU submissions have been about dating. You are lost, lonely, and probably pretty horny. So talk about it, I shall.

Valentine’s Day or not, the most productive way to start the partner search is to ask yourself this question: Am I choosing, or am I trying to be chosen? Are you Cupid aiming your arrow with intention, or are you the GLU with a bullseye on your chest, hoping to get hit?

If you’re the latter, don’t feel bad. Feel human. Being chosen means approval. Approval means acceptance. Acceptance means you’re not alone. Not alone means you are protected. You are safe. You are part of a tribe. You will survive. It’s primal AF. But so is hunting barefoot, and we’re not doing that anymore. So let’s evolve, shall we?

Starting today, reclaim your power and be a chooser. Here’s how:

1. Make a list of your core values. If someone’s values align with yours, great. Let's see where it goes. If not, delete them from your cart. Choose you.

2. Make a list of the traits you want this person to have. Get granular. Go for it. As you meet people, crosscheck their traits against the ones on your list. Are they a match, or are you making exceptions? Justifying? Settling? Hopefully, you made that list before you met them, meaning you were emotionally sober at the time. Trust that version of yourself. Not the horny, buzzed one who can’t afford an Uber.

3. After interacting with a prospective candidate, close your eyes and observe. Do you feel light, confident, and energized? Or small, self-conscious, and heavy? Pay attention to your feelings, and stop painting red flags green. Seriously. Just stop. Put down the brush and ask yourself, am I happy with this person or happy to have been chosen?

Learning to become a chooser takes time, practice, and confidence. Create your lists and tune into your tendencies. Get honest. Be brave. Start now.

If you want to connect with other GLU’s on the topic of choose vs chosen, join the discussion in our Book Club. And for specific answers to your relationship problems, stay tuned. Ellen and I will be posting our first round of answers on Monday. Until then, grab Cupid by the arrow and take control of this Valentine’s Day. Or not. Your choice.

I ah-dore you,

XO Lisi