Hey GLUs! In this week’s It’s Not Easy Being Mean moment, we discover that it’s also not easy to play soccer.
Massie, Alicia, and Claire had to participate in an extracurricular activity to be readmitted to OCD after their expulsion, and they chose football. (Yes, we know in this country “football” is not soccer, but picture the Pretty Committee in a game of full-on tackle? Hilarious.) Okay, fine. The girls weren’t getting knocked down, but they were blown away. They were on Kristen’s turf now, and she was the alpha. The SLBRs (Soccer Losers Beyond Repair) wuh-orshipped her! The power shift was impossible to process and raised the stakes on Massie’s search for the secret room key. She needs a win.
Meanwhile, Kuh-laire is torn between two lovers—Hollywood and Cam. She needs focus! Get her Keds in the game! Help the Pretty Committee score! No, not soccer, the key search! Skye might have hidden it in Cam’s house, and Claire is the only one who can get them in.
Of course, Massie found her way into Derrington’s room for a quick search, but EhMaGawd (now a riveting podcast starring Ellen Marlow and Lisi Harrison), the landfill vibes! It was vile. #Ew #Stateoftheunion #Out
Now, back to finding that key!
Let’s discuss.
Massie, who is usually so calculating and composed, has gone key-crazy. Why do you think she’s given in to this charade? Wouldn’t the real power move be telling Skye to shove her stupid key?
Has a contest or competition ever reduced you to an unhinged savage?
Let’s all take a knee for poor Kristen.
LFG (Let’s F-ing Gossip)!
Xoxo Lisi & Ellen
1. The gap in social status between adjacent grades appears to be extremely large at OCD. The series rarely mentions girls in lower grades than the main characters except in the Summer Collection. On the first day of 7th grade, Massie is embarrassed when Isaac calls her out in front of an unnamed 8th grade girl (Shelby Wexler?) for ditching Claire in the Range Rover.
There's no easy way for Massie to outmatch the more well-rounded Skye, who apparently excels at both academics and popularity. Skye only got "defeated" after being tricked by an extensive plan from five of the smartest kids in Massie's grade plus Dune …and that only pushed her to a bigger and better school/show (where she ended up in the top three). I'd rank the people like this, with large gaps between each tier:
1. Alpha Academy Skye
2. Purple Streak Massie, Witty Committee Kristen + Dune
3. 8th grade Skye
4. 7th grade Massie
5. 7th grade Kristen
If Massie tells Skye to shove it, then Skye could hand over the key to someone else, perhaps specifically an "LBR" just to annoy Massie.
2. When I was 12, I participated in a math contest and performed worse than I and others expected, which was a huge disappointment for me. At the awards ceremony, the director emphasized that "all of you are winners" in a lengthy speech. She placed the phrase in important social and educational contexts, but in my frustration, I had ignored all of this context.
One of the biggest benefits of academic competitions is how they bring together many similar-age kids who are passionate in the relevant subject. These students are usually outliers in their classrooms and schools and may not fit into existing social groups [1]. Long after the contest, when the contestant's score and placement has become irrelevant, the memories and photos of hanging out with other contestants still remain.
Also, I deliberately distracted myself, apparently in another attempt to deal with my loss. I was sitting in a tablet arm chair, which I pretended was a sort of tablet (the old ones that run desktop OSes—this was 5 years before the iPad) with a 1.17 GHz PowerPC G4 processor, 512 MB RAM, and a 40 GB HDD. I tried to be "realistic" with the specs, so I had apparently set them to be slightly worse than a well configured iBook G4.
Ever since then, I got irrationally annoyed by any "everyone's a winner" comments in competitions, and I made this dislike loud and clear to everyone around me.
[1] Math professor Sarah Rasmussen: "For many students who like math, math teams are one of the first places such students thrive socially."
https://x.com/SarahDRasmussen/status/1642599396251516934
Massie has to pay some respect to the 8th grade alpha because she knows Skye has the thing that she wants. The way that Skye presents the key hunt seems so exclusive and glamorous, which feeds Massie's ego. She thinks TPC is obviously going to be the ones to win the room; she just needs to prove herself. After all, organizing her betas to do her dirty work is one of the activities she excels at. And once Massie sets her mind to getting something, she’ll stop at nothing to accomplish it, even if that means playing by Skye’s crazy rules!